Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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