your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize