I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
