You're completely useless in the revolution.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
