My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i think i have two assholes
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
