SEEEEXXX PLEASE
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
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