i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
