Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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