apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
