Quick, to the slutcave!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
