Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize