It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
