i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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