I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
