Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It was confusing and full of hummus
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
my liver is dry heaving
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
