I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
