you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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