I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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