fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
