My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
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I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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