Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
