Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
