I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
