It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
