I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
