I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
