I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
