We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
