literally had 100 drinks last night.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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