You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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