she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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