me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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