just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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