Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
