You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
