she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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