Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
