So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
