Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i think my cat just said my name.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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