so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
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Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
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BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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