Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i dont even know how to be here
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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