I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
