Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
