Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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