God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
