Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
