I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
