i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
