My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
