you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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