why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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