i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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