His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
