genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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