Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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