Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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