I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
