Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You took a bar mat shot.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
