hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
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I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
why is half of my head shaved?
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