I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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