so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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