I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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