I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
