if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
