So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
