dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
