I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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