it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
