Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
