Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
