I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
