she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
