it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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