she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
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