Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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